Update #6 - Going on holiday without myself

Does it bring more happiness to be a sheep and 'liked' by every other sheep? Or are you happier taking an alternative approach to life, and being 'praised' by on the fence sheep? I'm going on holiday tomorrow. A lads holiday in Cypress, with 8 of my friends. A lads holiday is not my ideal type of getaway, in fact it is almost the opposite. I'm going because I don't want to miss out. Obviously I an't expect my friends to want to do boring things I might enjoy. But I feel as if I'm expected to become someone I'm not so that I'm not 'ruining' the holiday for everyone else. I've got to the point where I'm barely looking forward to going away, because I have to either morph into someone completely different, or be constantly berated for how I'm not allowing other people to look cool.

I did all of the organising and rounding up of people for this holiday, but it doesn't show. I've been told multiple time that if I do 'X' I'll be 'ruining' THEIR holiday. As if I'm just an unessential accessory to the holiday that has to come along for it to function. I'm not allowing people to come back and tell the 'cool' people how their holiday was exactly the same as the cool gang holiday. I'm not stopping anyone from doing anything and I wouldn't want, but the sheer thought of me doing something not so stereotypical of a lads holiday is repulsive to the person in question. It's unthinkable, I'm just and embarrassment, not a friend of many years.

It's ironic to think that I've been told many times I will ruin the holiday if I do something as simple as wear a hat. The restriction placed on myself seems to be doing a good job at making me feel pretty miserable. 

I have a history of overthinking things into misery and I really hope this time I am just overthinking things. I guess I'll see how things pan out and this will determine who I stay friends with.

'Your such a minter righting these blog posts'

no picture, I'm too bummed. Appropriately listening to Erik Satie.

I've not proof read.