Blog #1

 05/10/2021

    I am going to write here daily in an effort to improve both my ability to collect my thoughts and also to improve my writing skills. I would ordinarily condemn writing daily for the sake of it, but I think this will help me become a better person. I've always liked the idea of writing. Poetry and music seem like something that would be a good thing to work towards, however it is easy to construct mental barriers to prevents myself from starting down that path. In high school I liked to write fictionally, however I don't think I would find myself in that position anymore. Fiction may only become a part of my writing in order to portray an important idea in a novel, or maybe even beautiful, fashion. I think maybe what I'm trying to say is that, I think music and poetry can become a more genuine reflection of ones feelings. 

It's troubling to see so many ingenuine feelings spewed out into the world. Overreaction being the main one. The man behind The Durutti Column; one of my favourite bands; insists that although he does not think his music is good, he believes it to be emotionally genuine. He believes that, truth in what he is trying to convey through his music is more important than anything that could be received as 'good'. It is possible that 'good' is just music that people are comfortable with. Regardless of whether this is the case, I think that this idea is a nice one to follow. Truth should be paramount in what one writes. One should not write for others, but for himself. The music of Vini Reilly is some of the most emotionally touching I have heard, and I'm sure this is not because Vini set out to make something emotionally touching. He presented an emotion the same as my own, in a beautifully abstract manner, capturing its essence perfectly. 

I'll link two different, but equally emotive Durutti Column songs for you bellow.

    Getting back on Track with the subject of daily blogging, I do have to ask myself: What is there to gain from publishing my thoughts online, instead of in my diary? That actually caught me out as I was typing, because no one deserves to have to sift through my ramblings in order to gain a whiff of wisdom; if any at all. My daily blogging by nature will have to discuss the events of my day, but maybe rather than dwelling on the events themselves, I should focus on what I have taken from them. This requires more thinking and editing on my part; scary; but I think it will present something a lot more useful to yourself or any other potential readers. 

This is actually a good point for a tangent on how I should address the reader. At the moment I am typing these as a sort of monologue; a transcript of my wandering mind. I would like to think this style puts me on the same level as the reader. However, the reader, who is yourself, is always mentioned in the third person. To me it seems a little strange addressing you directly. It's sort of me, my blog and the reader. I talk to the blog, who then talks to reader. I think if I was reading something similar to this then I would prefer to be addressed directly. I'll try for the rest of the blog to write in a more personal manner and see how I think it reads. The self awareness of the blog is something that needs to cut down at the very least. In a totally meta sense, like that last sentence.

Back on track again with what seems to be thinking out loud. I seem to have come up with a formula for successfully deep diving into my thoughts. I will write daily about the events of my day, and try my best not to get too digressional. In addition to this I will also select items from the daily blog that I would like to write on in more detail, with absolutely no digression. Sort of like writing an essay actually. The daily blogging will help me figure out which idea is the most developed. 

So with all that said and done, I'll start writing about the things that caught my eye during the day. I should add that I don't think all my daily's will be this long. 

I guess the first thing that stirred my mind today was the sound of my mum filling the kettle past the demarcated maximum, to make a singular cup of tea. This is a semi-regular occurrence within my house and I find it incredibly annoying. In fact there are an innumerable number of habits my dear old mother keeps up that chip away at me. That's how it seems anyway. Each annoying little thing is insignificant on its own, in fact it would be very petty to make a stir about them. But the shear number of thoughtless and annoying things that only my mum seems to do, has built up in me. I am very worried that I may be overreacting to these things. It is very possible that I am projecting my frustration from elsewhere, onto my poor ol' mammy. I make a strong effort not to get visibly angry in front of her and instead I sit and stew. I'm very sure this is not healthy, but, the type of person my mum is doesn't make it easy to voice stupid wee concerns. The problem is that she is very lax with other people and expects the same in return. I can get away, if I so desire, with quite a lot of nippy things. I can't however, kindly ask my mum to try and improve on her nippy habits. If I do try, the guaranteed response is a soundly apathetic 'give me a break'. This is a big chunk of my mums way of dealing with problems, the central strategy of which is to turn herself into the victim, if at all possible. The person asking her to change, is the villain for burdening her with the knowledge that she could be aggravating someone else. This has gone on for my entire life, and I think it has had a profound affect on my ability to confront problems in my life. 

I am going to stop typing about this subject for now, since I don't think I'm typing with full clarity. I love my mum, and want to make clear that every nippy thing she does is unintentional. This is why it is such a difficult thing for me to address. 

I also fixed my doorbell. Its an old doorbell that's mains operated and has a nice chime. The button outside the house has a is so old that the connections were completely corroded. I managed to install a new button inside the old button; sort of like a matryoshka doll. This involved wrapping the new button in tape and jamming it inside the cavity of the old button; where the old electrical parts used to be. I have to confess I am not entirely happy with this implementation. The tape is not a mechanical coupling and this was not the proper way to do this. I suppose this button job and my disgruntlement towards my ma', can be viewed in parts as an allegory for my life view. I hold the world to a high standard, and in turn the world frustrates me. I think high standards are ultimately a good thing though.

    I'll have to leave it for tonight now. I'm taking my mum to the doctors tomorrow morning and I'll have to go to be soon. Also my arms are sore from my CHAD workout, and typing ain't helping. My dad offered me 20 quid for the doorbell job and I need to think of a suitable charity to deposit this money into. I did after all do it out of good will and not for monetary gain.

    Please get in touch if you like and thanks again for reading. x

Two Durutti Column Songs for Ya:

Otis -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5Lreb5U87U&ab_channel=yumizo1030

Sketch for Dawn 2 (with Vini's rare singing)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGhWuTpe3fk&ab_channel=LondonRecordings