Blog #5
12/01/2021
I suppose the downfall of the blog is the thinking that I have nothing worth writing about. I had that feeling tonight but I thought it's already been two days since I wrote on here so I have to write something. Too easy just to right off every day of my life.
I'll start recounting my day and see if anything comes up that sets the juices flowing.
Like every other day of the holidays I've set an alarm and proceeded to completely ignore it. I know for a fact that getting up early makes me much more productive, but I also know for a fact that getting out of bed when it's cold and nothing immediately needs doing is difficult. I didn't get up until about 11.30. I wanted to get up at 10. I gave Marc a hard time about not cooking lunch, and his plan to do so in an untimely manner. It's strange Marc having gone to Uni and come back with many skills. I have to put myself in the backseat for something I've done for years. To elaborate, until Marc moved out I had cooked his tea for him for the best part of four years. I guess you could say he was meal dependant on me. He came back from Uni and arrangement reached was that he would cook some of the meals we were going to eat. I guess I expected too much, because I was upset when he said he was going to start preparing the soup for lunch at 2pm. In his defence he has learned to cook only for himself. Cooking for him is done when he is hungry, rather than on a schedule. I cooked not only for when I was hungry, but with the knowledge that I would be feeding someone else. I had expected him to come back from Uni and have the same attitude to cooking that I had. It was unfair of me to expect this of him. I made sure to apologise.
Being upset with Marc over cooking could potentially be viewed as a microcosm of my standards. I set unreasonable standards bases on the false assumption that people are the same as myself then end up getting annoyed at people when the don't meet the standards. This is yet another area I must improve.
I know I've not written very much, but I'm gonna wimp out. I can't really find my flow with typing tonight and nothing is getting my lit up to write. It also seems weirds writing knowing that you are reading potentially well into the future. I can say this because no one has read any of my posts since the 4th of January, and only four people have viewed my post from November. I guess the link in my bio has worn out it's novelty.
One more thing before I sign off. Last night I had a fleeting moment of love sickness. Sound cheesy but I don't know what else to call it. I have logic'd myself into the thinking that love should not be something I seek to obtain. In turn I should not seek to obtain a girl friend. I think that the box ticking of trying to obtain love will only end in me beating myself up. This is not to say I will avoid making an effort, just that the effort will not be with the goal of love. If the effort is to do something for the betterment of myself or someone else and we become friends then great, if it goes further then I can say it was written. The point I'm trying to make is that I'm logically sure that looking for love is not the right path, but yet there is still that emotional pull, a desire to feel complete.
I don't think that idea is fully formed. Thanks for reading. X
No proof read lol.